How to Make A Firecracker

I’m not talking about those annoying as hell, flash-powder-filled paper tubes that church groups and high school cheer squads sell on the fourth of July.  I’m talking about a cannabis edible known as a “firecracker.”  Why is it called this?  Fire is another term for good bud and cracker is well, a just a regular cracker.  Get it?

Fire+cracker=firecracker.

Most recipes call for peanut butter, graham crackers or saltines and of course weed.  I’ve eaten plenty of plane firecrackers made with peanut butter on graham crackers and let me just say that they all tasted like shit.  In fact they were so bad that I could hardly eat them. So, I started tweaking the recipe, and I feel that I have developed a reasonable palatable recipe for making them.

What you’ll need:

  • Weed; You won’t have much luck without this one folks.
  • Peanut butter; I prefer Adams.  You can use whatever the hell you please.
  • Butter; Like from cows.
  • Nutella
  • Cinnamon graham crackers; spring for the name brand if you like, but avoid sugar-free unless you are severely diabetic.
  • Sugar; I like to use raw cane sugar because it makes me feel better about eating sugar.
  • Aluminum foil

How to proceed:

  1. Preheat your oven to 325 F.
  2. Start with about 0.3 grams of bud and grind it up really fine.  Coffee grinders, scissors and herb grinders work well for this step.
  3. Add about 1 tbsp of peanut butter, about 1 tsp of butter and a pinch of sugar.
  4. Mix the ingredients together in a small bowl.

    Looks like somebody had an accident!

  5. Break a cinnamon graham cracker in half and spread the bud-butter mixture evenly on the non-cinnamon side of the graham cracker.
  6. On the other half of the graham cracker, spread a thin layer of Nutella.
  7. Put the two halves together to make a sandwich.  Wrap the sandwich in aluminum foil and place in the oven.  Cook for 30 minutes at 325 F.  After you have cooked the firecracker, place it in the freezer for a few minutes to speed up the cooling process.
  8. Enjoy!

Tips:

  • Don’t get carried away; I eat one of these every day, and 0.3 grams is fine for me.  I would start there before you decide to take it to the next level and eat a whole gram at once.  I did this before I saw Inglorious Bastards and to make a long story short, it was a big mistake.  Very intense.
  • Foil will help prevent the cracker from being burnt
  • Don’t mix the Nutella in with everything else, it tastes odd.
  • Eat on an empty stomach and wash it down with some milk if you aren’t lactose intolerant/a wimp.
Advertisements

10 Ways to Help Make Weed Legal

I’ve grown weary of hearing exuberant youths decrying the criminalization of cannabis in the United States. It’s always the same song and dance about how it is absurd that cannabis is illegal and that Obama, Bush, Clinton, Bush Sr., Carter, Ford, Nixon, and Anslinger have all screwed us over.  In reality we are screwing ourselves and here is why:

1. All talk and no walk

What’s that you say? You want weed legalized so you’re writing an angry message to share with a tiny cross-section of the internet that happens to share the same sentiments that you do? Well that’s fantastic! You’re actions aren’t going to change anything, but good for you for having the balls to face the choir and start preaching.  I believe that a self-administered pat on the back is in order.

If you really want to change the way people think about cannabis, you’re going to have to share your opinion with people who DO NOT agree with you.  Arm yourself with facts and change the minds of those closest to you first.  Once you persuaded those closest to you, arm them with facts so that they may do the same.

2.  Vote

It goes without saying that if you aren’t voting, you aren’t really doing everything that you can to keep those who might undermine legalization efforts out of office.  A classic example is California’s prop 19, which pretty much died out of the gate despite polls indicating that there was a great deal of support for the proposed law.  Or better yet, Washington State’s own legalization movement which failed to even make the ballot in 2010 due to lack of ballot petition signatures.

3.  Forget why it matters to you

You want to legalize pot so that you don’t have to worry about getting arrested for doing something that you don’t feel should be a crime.  So what?  That doesn’t affect me does it?

Well, does it?  Sure it does.  If cannabis were legal, the cops might have actually been there to prevent my car from being stolen instead of wasting their time dealing with you.  Why didn’t you say so before?

4.  Appeal to economics

Cannabis is safe you say?  Well that’s great, but I don’t use cannabis so I’m afraid I’m fresh out of shit to give.

I might have cared if you had said that legalizing or decriminalizing cannabis could reduce my tax burden.  I might have even cared if you had said that legalizing cannabis would create jobs and increase tax revenues that go towards things like education, police and fire departments and parks and recreation.  Maybe you should mention that in the future.

5.  Write you reps

The United States Government is a representative democracy.  The people who represent you on the local, state and federal level are not mind readers.  They don’t know what is important to you unless you tell them.  Once every month, take the time to sit down and write a well thought out letter.  Tell them what you feel they are doing right, and what you feel they are doing wrong.  If you can, give them a call too, but be prepared to argue your case.  Hopefully you have been doing your home work and you are well armed with facts to make your case.

6.  Ditch the stoner image

That’s great that you love weed, and that the South Park episode with Towlie is your all time favorite.  However, that silk screened t-shirt with Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong smoking a joint in their car causes me to have serious doubts about your intellectual capacity.  If you want me to buy in to your point of view, you’re going to need to wear something with buttons and a collar.

7.   Money

Money makes the world go round.  Or at least money is the coal that boils the water that turns the wheels of the United States government and its municipalities.  Without it, you’re doomed.  You are selling a product, and your customers want to buy that product.  They just don’t know it yet, so how do you reach them?

First you need to consider who your customer is.  You can start by figuring out who your customer is not.  You customer is not young.  They do not derive the majority of their entertainment from the internet.  In fact there is a very good chance that your customer doesn’t even use the internet, or read for that matter.  What does that leave you?  Old people who watch TV.  Old people also tend to vote, which is why you need to reach them.  You need to sell your product to them, but how?  You need air time.  TV shows, documentaries, local news slots and advertisements.  You are probably going to have the most luck with local news and advertisements.  This requires money.  If you don’t have money to give, give what money ultimately buys by giving your time.

8.  Don’t be stupid

Remember the other day when I caught you and your friends smoking a blunt in the park while I was taking Muffins for a walk?  Well, I might not have called the police, but I was pretty pissed.  Especially when your friend offhandedly joked about getting my dog high as I walked away.  In fact there was a nice young man telling me just the other day about how marijuana should be legal.  I was even sold on his ideas.  However, after that little display in the park I’m once again convinced that anyone who smokes weed is an idiot.

Seriously, don’t be an idiot.

9.  Start local

Movements like state-wide decriminalization efforts and city or county-wide police response deprioritization efforts are much more likely to succeed than outright legalization efforts.  Sure, the end goal is legalization, however taking a step in the right direction is better than not taking a step at all.

10.  Forget the feds.

Efforts to legalize cannabis on the federal level will fail to succeed until multiple states jump on board, and even then the prospects look grim.  Just look federal government’s reception of state level medical marijuana legalization efforts.  Please, stop calling Obama out and ranting about how he should make a greater effort to end marijuana prohibition.  I can guarantee you that he doesn’t give a shit because legalizing weed is not going to get him re-elected.

Howdy.

>Introducing the Ragweed Ranger and his Sidekick Toto

>The Ragweed Ranger via Cheebdweeb.com

I think this is one you’ll all enjoy.  The Ragweed Ranger and his Sidekick Toto have a close encounter with a friendly local law enforcement officer.

Also introducing cheebdweeb.com

The Adventures of the Ragweed Ranger: A Brush With Justice

It was mid to late afternoon as The Ragweed Ranger and his sidekick Toto galloped across the interstate in their trusty silver Subaru Brat. The smell of freshly laid asphalt rose through the air and mixed with the scent of stale cannabis smoke and human body odor, to form a malodorous bouquet that was far to0 pungent for polite company.

“Do you smell that Toto?” The Ragweed Ranger asked his trusty sidekick.

“Smell What?” Toto replied.

“That smell, it smells like bread.” Said Ranger.

At that, Toto vigorously sniffed for the mysterious smell that The Ragweed Ranger spoke of.

“Blah! What the fuck was that?” Toto exclaimed as he scrunched his nose in disgust. “Did you fucking fart?”

“Muchas Gracias Mexican Drive-Thru my friend.” The Ranger replied as he chuckled to himself over the success of his rouse. “Never trust it.”

“That was uncalled for man.”  Toto complained.  “I’m an accomplished musician you know.”

“Please, people haven’t listed to you brand of crap since disco died.”  The Ranger retorted.  “And disco died a long time ago.”

The Ranger and Toto continued to bicker with one another until suddenly the screech of a siren interrupted their squabble.  A set of flashing red and blue lights quickly approached them from behind.

“Holy shit dude!  It’s a fucking UFO!”  Toto exclaimed.

“What?  No dude, it’s the fucking cops!”  The Ranger said as his voice quivered with fear.  “We’re fucking boned Toto, we’re fucking boned!”

The Ragweed Ranger pulled his silver Brat to the side of the road and frantically began searching for his license and registration.  As he searched through the glove box he found a small bag of herb and handed it to Toto.

“Eat that.”  Said Ranger.

“What?  No, you eat it.” Toto cried.

“You’ll eat the fucking sack if you value you the purity and integrity of your asshole!”  The Ranger shouted.

Toto managed to stuff all of the unconsumed ganja into his mouth just before the officer walked up to the driver’s side window.

“License and registration please.”  The officer said to The Ragweed Ranger.

“Her you go officer.”  The Ranger replied, handing the officer his credentials.

“I’ll be right back with these.  You two just sit tight.”  The officer said as he turned away and walked back to his squad car.

“Hey Ranger, how much was in that bag?”  Toto asked.

“I don’t know, four or five grams.”  The Ranger replied.

“Oh god…am I going to die?”  Toto asked with a twinge of anxiety in his voice.

“Ha ha, no of course not.  Weed can’t kill you.”  The Ranger said reassuringly.  “But you are going to start tripping balls in an hour or so.  Just try to relax.”

It was at that moment that the police officer returned to the side of the Ranger’s car.  He peered suspiciously into the window of the Subaru Brat, first looking at the Ranger, and then Toto.  He eyed each of them with an icy stare.  After what seemed like an eternity, he handed The Ragweed Ranger his registration paperwork.

“Whew.”  Said Toto.  “He didn’t search the car.”

“I’m still standing right here you know.”  The officer said, peering back into the window.  “Could both of you step out of the car please.”

“What car?”  The Ranger asked innocently.

“This car.”  The officer replied angrily.

“This isn’t a car, it’s a Brattleboro.”  The Ranger replied.  “Half car, half truck, and one hundred percent awesome.”

“I don’t give a flying fuck if its made of doughnut glaze, get the fuck out of the car!”  The officer shouted.

As The Ranger and Toto stepped out of the car, Toto mouthed to the Ranger.  “Are you fucking retarded?”

“Do you two have any marijuana in your vehicle or on your persons?”  The officer demanded.

“Sorry bro, I’m all dry.”  The Ranger replied.

“Are you trying to be a smart ass you little prick?”  The officer replied.  “Listen up, this some serious shit I’m asking you, you fucking cunt.  Marijuana is a plague to our great nation and I will personally see to it that you wind up in a cell with a large black man named Theophilus who hasn’t so much as smelled a women in ten years, and he will mash your pink little asshole into gravy with his GIANT BLACK COCK if you do not fucking cooperate!  DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?”

“Crystal.”  The Ranger replied calmly.

It was at this time that the sack of Buddha that Toto had consumed minutes before began to kick in.  He looked wildly at the officer and the Ranger.

“WHY IS EVERYBODY YELLING!”  Toto shouted.

“What the fuck is the matter with you boy?”  The officer said as marched toward Toto.

“Nyahh!”  Toto whimpered pathetically as he cowered at the officer’s approach.

“Kiss the fucking dirt you pale little freak!”  The officer shouted as he shoved Toto onto the ground.

“Hey, hey, hey.  Be careful.”  The Ranger said.  “Toto is an accomplished musician.”

“Shut the fuck up!”  The officer shouted.  “Toto is bullshit!”

The officer again directed his attention to Toto and began to badger him with questions.

“Where is the contraband?”  He demanded.

“I don’t know what you are talking about!”  Toto cried.

“WHERE IS THE REEFER you little queer?”  The officer once again demanded as pulled out his gun and pressed it against Toto’s temple.

“Oh god, its in the trunk!  It’s in the trunk!”  Toto sobbed.

“Open the fucking trunk!”  The officer shouted

“There is no trunk, it’s a Brat man.”  The Ranger replied.

“Then where is the fucking pot?”  The officer demanded again.

“I ate it all!”  Toto sobbed as he lay on the ground.

“All right, fine, both of you come here.”  The officer said menacingly as he pushed Toto and the Ranger toward his squad car.

“All right put you hands on the car and spread ’em.”  The officer said as he began to pat Toto and the Ranger down.  As he searched their persons, he liberated Toto of his wallet and the Ranger of his iPod.

“Is this all that you two have?  Seven dollars and a first generation iPod?”  The officer asked.  “Both of you are fucking pathetic.”

With that, the officer opened the trunk of his squad car and placed Toto’s money and the Ranger’s iPod inside.  While the trunk was open, the Ranger caught a glimpse of what was inside.  Money, weed, electronics, you name it and this officer had it in his trunk.

“All right boys, I’m letting you off with a warning.”  The officer said.  “Have a nice fucking day losers.”

As the officer pulled away, the Ranger turned to face Toto.

“Did you see what he had in his trunk man?”  The Ranger asked.  “That officer is fucking crooked yo.  We just got shaken down man, we just got shaken down.  We have to do something about this.  This cannot stand man, this kind of injustice cannot stand.”

The Ranger continued to rant as Toto dragged his heel across the sand.

“That asshole just crossed the line.”  Toto said.  “That asshole just crossed the line.”

***

Stay groovy for the next installment of The Ragweed Ranger.  Will the Ranger and Toto recover their stolen goods and bring the crooked cop to justice?  Will Toto ever be popular again?  Will smoking weed make you impotent?  All will be revealed in the next installment of, The Refer Ranger.

Welcome to cheebdweeb.com

We (by “we” I mean the “royal we” of course) are working hard to get this site off of the ground.  If you are a lover of fine ass cheebah, or cannabis, then you are in the right place.  Since you are here, go ahead and bookmark this page.  Check back for updates, there will be plenty of content in a week’s time.

Thank you for stopping by!